Life has so much death in itself and I die everytime I write, then come back to life again. It was March 13, 2013 when I lost my mother. I won`t talk about how hard a process it was. I won`t mention her name. I won`t tell you how it never gets less painful. That would not be what I intended to write. I actually am not sure what I was planning to write. I usually just do write. “Spontaneous overflow of poweful feelings” as Wordsworth said. Yes, I write poems mostly.
You don`t know who I am and you see only what I let you see. Okay, maybe a bit more because writing provides that. But still, I feel like I am only as much as my writing. That should be comforting. BUT, there is this awkard thing in humanity. To tell, to express is what we always intentionally or even secretly seek for. That is why I write and that is a good big paradox to get lost in. To be seen and not to be seen by doing both.
I bought a book called 100 Poems To See You Through because it had the picture of a nightingale on its back and it reminds me of John Keats whom I admire very much. But I found more than I expected.
It is a book whic was edited by Daisy Goodwin, which intends to be there for you when you are having a tough time. I am not sure if I like the idea of a book that “aims” something but I can tell you, this one has its own charm. Introduction part includes a kind of display about Maggie’s Centre whic is an establishment to support the people who are affected by cancer and their family. You can see their page: https://www.maggiescentres.org/ The book and Maggie’s Centre unite under the same purpose. To find beauty. It is what I seek, or at least what I try to remind myself to seek when I forget the meanings underneath in the rush of the life.
Couple of days ago me and my friend mentioned a quote which is: Giving is the new taking. It really is because I bet you all feel the nameless feeling that you get everytime you do something that is beneficial for someone other than you. It may be selfish, maybe we do good again to satisfy our lonely selves… There is much to think about that seperately but coming back to my point. Doing good is always good and if there is someone to give credits for it, I think it must be Daisy Goodwin. She did something remarkable, especially for those who find the comfort best while reading.
What I like most about the book is that is is seperated into chapters such as: Visiting Hours, Left Behind, Small Pleasures, Side Effects and more… It means for me that anyone can find some meaning for himself.
I want to conclude saying that everything has its own beauty no matter what. I don’t know how many people will read this or even anyone will do at all but I know that is is not about knowing someone. It is mostly about not about the writers. It is what you find of yourself in that writing. So if anyone reads this, I am not hoping they will understand me, I wish for them to understand themselves. Good music is not good merely because it does something to our ears, because it does more to our hearts.